This Holiday Season

It is the first one with her and her's, 

and I don't know how to act or behave.

Does she understand my trepidation?

Does she know my fear and discomfort

I hope she does. 

I hope she does and understands,

I want so to be what she needs.

I want so badly to be everything for her.

I want so badly to be everything for her.

I know it will be hard, and mixed with,

past feelings and emotions for us.

But, I know that perhaps it will be wonderful.

I also know that next time will be better,

fuller and comprised of a larger sense of

what we have become by that time.

I hope for the best. 

Happy Thanksgiving my darling Bettina.

Happy Thanksgiving my only Joy.

Know that I want to be in two places. 

Know that I can not now.

Know it will soon change for the better.

I weep and smile and hope.

I am most thankful to He who makes

me thankful.

For this holiday season's possibilities.

Bettina

She smiles and I melt

She walks and I follow

She looks and I look back

She loves and I love harder

She touches and I surrender

She leaves and I cry

She arrives and I celebrate

She is and I am

She is mine

I am hers

I love Bettina

TURNING THE CORNERS

TURNING THE CORNERS

Excitement, pulse racing sitting

In the saddle, crowd cheering while

They await her and her horse's run

The smell of horses, leather and dust

Filling her senses with the arena's

Atmosphere as she awaits the moment

To start, then bursting forth, she makes

The three turns and spurs her horse to

The finish line, heart pounding as she

Awaits the time and score for her run

Her life is the arena and the horses,

The adrenaline and the thrill of victory

The pain is just a part of the victory

A part of the fiddler's price for listening

To the music that is pro rodeo riding

Then slowly life changes, motherhood

Reigns instead of horses reins she has

Turned a life corner and is heading a

New direction now, though she doesn't

Fully realize it as of yet, she still spurs

On toward the next barrel, the next

Turn, which she finds all too soon as

Her life reaches another turning point

As she had reached so many literal

Barrels, she now finds herself turning

Just life corners, but with some of that

Old enthusiasm and joy she experienced

In those arenas of yesteryear now gone

By leaving her with only methaphorical

Turns, and barrels to go around, points

Of her life where things like love and

Happiness are the trophies and buckles

The prize money, the smile on her boy's

Face and her slips and falls are life snags

But she holds onto that spirit, that gusto

And lives her life, like the excited beating

Of the strong heart of the horse who use

To turn her corners for her with such

Strength and dexterity, alacritous in his

Intent on winning and the run to the finish

Although life has slowed, she still looks

To the next turn, not with trepidation,

But with the heart of the champion

Which she was, and while others live

With soft caution and tones of grey

She spurs it on, in smiles that are like

Her bright clothes and with a love of

Life that charges out of the gate and

Excitedly heads to turn the next corner

Gene T.

(a poem for my friend, Bettina Fetzer Smith)

BOUNTIFUL

BOUNTIFUL

Bare existence was never meant to be

All a person should aspire for in life

God has provided ways for us to see

Beyond this world which is so filled with strife

When one can look past this plane's horizon

And ignore the undertow of today's

Pernicious world's lack of love's bright vision,

We start to completely see better ways

Intertwined lives no longer held tightly

Together, now easily tossed aside

Gifts of the heart discounted, not rightly

Considered never brought fully inside

Words once deep now flippantly tossed around

The words “I love you”, now disposable

Plastic, phony, cheap and mean all abound

True love so rare it is not usable

Souls shielded from the onslaught of the storm

Impervious to all benevolence

Whether giving or receiving, the norm

In a world so use to it pestilence

Rife with the terrible effects of hate

Heads reel with horrific daily news heard

As we all pray that it isn't too late

Mindless ones in command of all our fate

Then shines an aurora in the dark gloom

Of life's pallor and so colors my world

Back from the edge I come, back in the room

More green now than blue my life palettes swirled

Shimmering mutual light paints a bright

Pattern of brightly glowing sea tinted

Expression and aqua prism of light

Senses filled and all orange blossom scented

A gift from God today it seems I've got

Added to the two which I love so much

God lifted me up to see what I've sought

And I could see clearly and over such

Obstacles and refuse of world clatter

And all the way to Florida it seems

The dreary world doesn't seem to matter

And like in the sea, life's bounty now teems

Bright fresh sunrise over the Texas shore

And sunsets once again glowing orange, red

To the western skyline I look once more

Hanging on every glance now and word said

Heightened in awareness of His glory

Strengthened by the consciousness of His grace

Looking forward to telling the story

Sharing with others who are stuck in place

The miracle of the gift of true love

Given and received so easy and free

That it must been sent from up above

Why did I get it, a sinner like me

Happiness so elusive lately now

Manifest in many wonderful ways

If others could just look up and see how

Then their lives would be filled with brighter days

Using this for an example and guide

Like St. Elmo's fire's bright lightning like light

Into vision of what's needed they'd slide

Lifted up higher for much better sight

Days filled with smiles, laughs and oh so much fun

Thankful life's easier and wonderful

Seemingly much brighter though the same sun

Making oceans and lives bountiful

MST

AQUAMARINE

AQUAMARINE

Beautiful soothing hues of soft blue-green

Radiate softy up from the depths and into

Her eyes as she nears the ocean shore

They glow back a soft contended green at

Her love's love and beyond the fathomless

Depths of the ocean's soul and into his own

Sea foam palette down into his heart where

She knows a safe place awaits her own

Pulse and where she can rest her blue tinted

Mind while adjusting the spectrum of her life

The ocean nearby reminds them by it's roar

And the delicious salt aroma wafting inland

Over their bluish tinted spirits waiting for it's

Cleansing waters and healing waves breaking

Onto the sands of time on the shores of life

Where the burdens of eternity have been left

For the mighty bosom of Poseidon's realm

To eventually consume and send to oblivion

Here they too have come to lay a burden

Upon the sands and to add their tears to

The same salt waters of the sea's blue-green

Depths rending the blues from themselves

And allowing the breaking waves to take

All shades of that darker color which even

Though beautifully mixed with their greens

Does make a lovely turquoise, that isn't their

Color, their color is green, their matching eyes

Reflecting the sameness of their kindred souls

Hearts beating alike and quickening together

And slowing to a soft slow perpetual rhythm

As the blue slowly leaves them and returns

To the sea where it belongs while turning it

The receptor of their pain and sorrow

aquamarine.

MST

CALI GOTH GIRL

CALI GOTH GIRL

Black clothes, black nail polish and black lipstick

to her was her statement to all the world.

She rebelled against the hypocrisy

which around so many in her life swirled.

Her dreams not matching her dark demeanor,

but instead they held shining bright lights.

The future was though mystery to her,

during this her life voyage of dark sights.

So young and bright and hopeful her plans

of life in contrast to her darkness glowed.

Against the clock and against the time sands

her life's meaning and purpose somehow slowed.

And motherhood, now reality,

changed the Cali goth girl's paths and her life.

How, she pondered could this really now be

me being a mother and a young wife?

But it was to be and over ten fold

as children became her life, and her dreams.

True love she had found while cradling them told

of deeper meaning for all life it seems.

Her life went quickly by, surrounded by

her children and family which had arose.

She wondered at it all with a soft sigh, as

she painted her nails black, and put on her

black clothes.

(a poem written for Mischelle LaDorne Hart Bowser, a dear friend and mother of 10)

ARBORS

ARBORS

A beautiful rose bush grows and blooms

In it's zest for life it branches out

In many directions, at first unrestrained

As time goes by it's growth is impaired

The arbor which gives it support now restrains

The roses hit constraints, limits and barriers

They cause it to grow in unnatural directions

Through holes and openings in the latticework

In ways it would have never grown if wild

After many seasons, it became very tangled

The rose bush wishes it had supported itself

Instead of using the lattice and arbor's help

But there is no way to untangle herself now

Without cutting off branches she loves and needs

Without pain and years of healing time

Without injuring other roses which have woven

Their way into her life and also need the arbor

But the beautiful rose dreams of days when

She didn't have these arbors and she wasn't

Tangled and interwoven nearly inextricably

A beautiful rose bush grows and blooms

In it's zest for life it branches out

MST